OCD is a Gaslighter: How to See Through its Bullish*t
While the term "gaslighting" has gained popularity and common usage in recent times, it actually originates from the 1944 film "Gaslight," starring Ingrid Bergman. The plot revolves around a woman manipulated by her husband into believing she's losing her sanity through consistent dimming of lights, loud noises, and staged conversations in the attic, all while insisting she's hallucinating.
In both psychological literature and popular culture, gaslighting describes efforts to manipulate someone's perception of reality in order to gain control over them. Skilled gaslighters make their targets doubt their memories and experiences, often leading to self-doubt and questioning of their own sanity.
OCD: The Master Manipulator
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) embodies the essence of a proficient gaslighter. Often called "the doubting disease," OCD manipulates individuals by instilling doubt in their own actions, thoughts, perceptions, and memories. Those trapped in an OCD cycle constantly question themselves, leading to perpetual confusion and a lack of self-trust.
Recent research findings provide evidence supporting the idea that individuals with OCD tend to possess specific "belief domains" compared to those without the disorder. These beliefs are centered around themes such as responsibility, control, threat estimation, uncertainty tolerance, anxiety/discomfort, and coping mechanisms. Despite being unrealistic and unhelpful, these belief domains act as a filter that distorts our perception of reality. Additionally, individuals with OCD tend to hold stronger convictions in these domains when compared to those with generalized anxiety.
A Few of OCD’s Belief Domains
1. Over-Importance of Thoughts
OCD's gaslighting starts with convincing you that the mere presence of certain thoughts or images holds great significance. In other words, believing that experiencing a thought of doing something bad (like hurting someone) is the same thing as actually doing it, or that the thought is evidence that the person is on the brink of losing control and acting on that thought. OCD might also scare you into questioning if you “want” those thoughts, merely because they are there. In reality, thoughts are just thoughts—they don't define you, and they certainly don't predict your actions. In fact, research suggests that the person with OCD is actually less likely to act on their thoughts than a person without.
2. Importance of Controlling Thoughts
The gaslighting continues as OCD insists that complete control over intrusive thoughts is both possible and necessary. This belief can lead to exhausting mental gymnastics as you try to micromanage your mind. Trying to control and micromanage one's thoughts is like trying to shape clouds in the sky — no matter how much effort you exert, the clouds continue to drift and change form on their own. However, when you simply observe without trying to alter them, the clouds naturally dissipate or transform. Similarly, thoughts tend to fade away or shift when you refrain from actively controlling or resisting them. Take it from Pema Chödrön, a Tibetan Buddhist, who says “you are the sky, everything else — it’s just the weather.” Recognize that striving for absolute control is a futile endeavor; instead, focus on accepting thoughts as they come and as they go.
3. Perfectionism
OCD thrives on perfectionistic beliefs, convincing you that everything must be flawless or catastrophic consequences will ensue. In reality, perfection is an illusion. Okay, listen, if perfection exists, it exists paradoxically within imperfection. Embracing imperfection can be your goal; while OCD may not accept it, you can.
4. Inflated Responsibility
OCD loves to inflate your sense of responsibility, leading you to believe you have the special ability to prevent or cause catastrophic harm. For instance, someone with contamination OCD (who is not sick) may fear that touching items at the grocery store will lead to catastrophic consequences like causing the next epidemic. Consequently, OCD may convince them that not touching these items is a heroic act of saving the world. While most people with OCD understand that this is highly unlikely, OCD's persistent whispers are enough to compel them to act on these irrational beliefs anyway, just in case.
5. Overestimation of Threat
OCD thrives on exaggerating threats, making the world seem more dangerous than it is. Whether it's fearing conflict, accidents, illnesses, or disasters, OCD amplifies the perceived risks. For example, a person with relationship OCD might overestimate the threat posed by normal relationship challenges, interpreting minor conflicts as evidence that the entire relationship itself is doomed.
6. Intolerance of Uncertainty
In life, certainty is a rarity. Ambiguity permeates every facet of our existence, much like the air we breathe. Humans navigate uncertainty daily, embracing risks with the understanding that each moment carries a degree of unpredictability. However, OCD's gaslighting distorts this natural state, convincing individuals that uncertainty is intolerable and unacceptable. This belief leads to compulsive rituals aimed at trying to figure something out for sure or seeking reassurance over and over. OCD will also go so far to convince you that anxiety, too, is intolerable.
OCD — what a jerk! SMH.
How to See Through (rather than from) OCD’s Crap:
Practice mindfulness to observe thoughts without reacting impulsively.
Consider exposure therapy to confront fears and reduce compulsive behaviors. Exposure therapy pokes major holes in OCD’s belief domains.
Cultivate self-compassion and seek support from understanding individuals or therapists specializing in OCD.
Be silly, if you can. While I typically refrain from suggesting or using humor to new clients due to the seriousness of OCD's impact, humor can actually be quite helpful with loosening OCD’s grip on us. OCD's absurdity and relentlessness make it a prime target for comedic relief. For instance, I like to envision my OCD as an overly dramatic actress on a stage, so consumed by her intensity (and wacky costume) that she forgets she's part of a play. One of my past clients visualized their OCD as the Grim Reaper from Family Guy, complete with a super chill demeanor and David Spade's voice. This humorous perspective helps to create a separation between “Me” and “OCD” (because you are not the same thing!) and helps to diminish the fear and power that OCD can hold over us.
See-through irrational beliefs by labeling them and laughing at OCD’s attempt to hook you. Challenging these beliefs could be helpful for some, but it’s a slippery slope. I don’t like to suggest too often for my clients to “challenge” these beliefs, because challenging them can easily turn into a new compulsion. Instead, I like to encourage people to simply notice what is happening; OCD trying to put up a filter to taint your vision. “Oh, look, OCD is trying to convince me again that this thought must really be significant this time,” and then bringing your attention back to what you are doing in your real life. No need to fight, argue, or convince. It’s a waste of energy as OCD will always fight back.
Educate yourself about OCD to demystify its tactics and empower yourself in the recovery process.
Recognizing OCD's gaslighting tactics and learning to see through its distortions can be helpful steps in OCD recovery. With a light touch and specialized support, you can dismantle OCD's deceptive narrative and reclaim your life. Yes, you a learn to trust yourself again.
It's important to remember that while my blog post can provide insights and tips for managing OCD, it is not a substitute for professional therapy. Therapy offers personalized guidance, support, and evidence-based interventions tailored to your specific needs and challenges. A trained therapist can help you develop coping strategies, navigate difficult emotions, and work towards long-term recovery from OCD. So, while I hope you find this article helpful, I want you to know that it’s okay to reach out for professional help if you're struggling with OCD or any mental health concerns.
Remember, you are stronger than OCD's bullsh*t, and healing is absolutely possible.
