Curiosity Over Comfort: Information-Seeking vs. Reassurance-Seeking in OCD
In the realm of OCD, differentiating between seeking information and seeking reassurance is crucial for those navigating recovery. While these behaviors may seem alike, understanding their distinctions is key to effectively managing OCD. Let's explore these nuances, the importance of telling them apart, and how individuals grappling with excessive reassurance-seeking can find support.
Information-seeking and reassurance-seeking are both natural, normal human behaviors. While they appear similar in action, they are fundamentally distinct, with one driven by curiosity and the other by a desire for comfort; both very beautiful things in life. Overall, neither behavior is fundamentally problematic. In my humble opinion, curiosity alone is almost always beneficial. Comfort and reassurance feel good, fostering connection and a sense of safety. However, for folks on the road of OCD recovery, un-checked reassurance-seeking can become a major snag.
Why? Because reassurance-seeking is a common compulsion in OCD that can impede progress if not addressed. If you're familiar with the OCD cycle, you know that compulsions reinforce it, strengthening OCD with each one and amplifying suffering. Let's delve into the details.
Information-Seeking
When someone engages in information-seeking, they typically ask a question once, driven by curiosity and a desire to be informed. They are willing to accept the answer, even if it's not what they hoped for, and they seek input from people or references considered experts on the matter. Their questions are answerable and aimed at uncovering the truth. They may accept uncertain answers when appropriate, such as "maybe's" or "probably's." After obtaining the answer, they are capable of making a decision or drawing a conclusion and moving forward.
Reassurance-Seeking as an OCD Compulsion
When someone engages in reassurance-seeking behavior as an OCD compulsion, they often ask the same question repeatedly. The question is not asked to uncover the truth but to alleviate feelings of distress. Instead of consulting reliable sources or experts, they may turn to social media, Google, AI, or individuals not experienced in the matter. Their questions may be unanswerable, such as 'What’s the meaning of life?' or 'How do I know I won’t die on my way to work this morning?' They may feel a strong need for absolute, definitive answers, regardless of whether it's appropriate or feasible. If they receive a desired answer, it may provide temporary relief until the person feels upset enough to ask the same question again or insist the answer be repeated. If the person receives an undesired answer, they may insist it be changed. Despite seeking reassurance repeatedly, they may struggle to make a decision or form any conclusion, perpetuating a cycle of anxiety and uncertainty-intolerance.
Carlos & Mark
Now, let's consider the experiences of Carlos and Mark as they navigate existential thoughts:
Carlos has been experiencing existential thoughts lately, wondering about the nature of existence, his purpose in life, and the meaning of life in general. He feels uncomfortable yet curious and decides to explore different philosophical perspectives on the subject. When he has time in his day, Carlos reads books, listens to podcasts, and engages in discussions with friends who have similar questions. He enjoys learning and reflecting on various viewpoints, finding it intellectually stimulating and enriching. Through his exploration, Carlos gains insight into different philosophical and spiritual concepts. Even though he can’t be sure about the meaning of life in the ultimate sense, he feels more comfortable with the uncertainties surrounding his existential questions. Instead of fixating on the meaning of life in general, he shifts his focus to more practical inquiries, asking himself, "How can I be happy?" and "How can I make my life feel meaningful?"
Now, let’s consider Mark. Mark finds himself grappling with existential thoughts as well. Mark finds it difficult to shake the notion that everything he perceives may not be real. 'How can I be certain I'm not in a coma or trapped within a dream, with my entire existence merely a product of my imagination?' This thought instills in him a profound fear. He questions the reality of his dog, neighbors, and friends, amplifying his distress. In an attempt to soothe his unease, Mark repeatedly reassures himself that life is real and seeks validation from those around him. He frequently discusses the nature of reality with friends and family, hoping their responses will provide some certainty. For instance, when his mother jokingly suggested that life might not be real and we could all be robots, Mark became upset and challenged her, finding relief only when she reassured him that it was just a joke. Unlike Carlos, Mark avoids diving into literature or media, fearing it may trigger his dread. This avoidance highlights his reluctance to confront uncertainties or what could be a possible truth. When Mark feels reassured by his friends, the relief is only fleeting, and the dread soon returns. Despite his efforts, Mark's anxiety persists, trapping him in a cycle of reassurance-seeking as a way to cope with existential dread and uncertainty.
Mark and Carlos are two individuals confronted with existential thoughts, but their responses differ significantly. Carlos engages in healthy information seeking out of curiosity and a genuine desire to learn, whereas Mark engages in reassurance seeking as a compulsive behavior driven by anxiety and the need to alleviate uncertainty and distress.
So, Let’s do a Quick Review:
Someone Information-Seeking…
Usually asks a question once.
Asks out of curiosity and desire to be informed.
Accepts the answer, even if it is disliked.
Asks the people or seeks references that are experts on the matter.
Asks questions that are answerable.
Seeks the truth.
May accept uncertain answers when appropriate (maybe’s or probably’s)
After getting the answer, can make a decision or draw a conclusion and move on.
Someone Reassurance-Seeking as an OCD Compulsion…
Asks the same question over and over.
Asks in order to feel less upset.
Refers to social media, Google, AI, or people not experienced on the matter.
Poses unanswerable questions.
Seeks a desired answer.
May experience temporary relief, if any, with desired response.
May insist the answer be repeated or changed.
Insists on absolute, definitive answers, whether appropriate or not.
Continues to pursue information without ever making a decision or forming even a rough conclusion.
I Want to Be Crystal Clear
Seeking reassurance is not bad and is as natural as can be. We are social beings and are wired to seek connection as well as safety, both things reassurance can bring. However, within the realm of OCD, reassurance-seeking makes the condition worse. Before many realize it, it devolves into a compulsive force that sustains the obsessive-compulsive spiral. The excessive and repetitive quest for reassurance in OCD robs us of the opportunity to see how resilient we truly are. The more we resist the urge to seek reassurance, the more we learn how much we are able to tolerate uncertainty, even when OCD tries to convince us we can’t.
It Gets Better
Understanding the distinction between information-seeking and reassurance-seeking behaviors is beneficial for everyone, especially in today's divided world where curiosity is often lost in favor of validating preferred beliefs. This loss of curiosity hinders personal growth and limits exposure to new ideas and, in many cases, reality. However, for individuals navigating the path of OCD recovery, knowing the difference is crucial.
It’s almost a sick, cosmic joke, as OCD is one of the most painful and disabling conditions out there, even confirmed by the World Health Organization, who measured in terms of lost earnings and overall diminished quality of life. Despite the immense suffering it causes, individuals are often tasked with resisting the comforting act of seeking reassurance, which seems wicked. While seeking reassurance is a natural and comforting aspect of being human, it can inadvertently bolster OCD symptoms, impeding progress. In a nutshell, OCD recovery involves resisting short-term relief to achieve long-term relief and freedom.
If you're living with OCD, you might have experienced the limitations of traditional talk therapy, where sessions can inadvertently turn into one giant, weekly compulsion, saturated with rumination and reassurance-seeking. Maybe therapy brings you immense relief, but how long does that last? Seeking out a therapist who specializes in OCD treatment can make a world of difference. Specialists offer tailored approaches, armed with specialized knowledge and techniques finely tuned to tackle the complexities of OCD head-on. With the right support, you can recognize your resilience and confront OCD's challenges with newfound courage and clarity, seeing beyond its trickery.
Here is some reassurance I can give to you, OCD-sufferer: You are strong. You can handle uncertainty like a boss. You are courageous and can do hard things. You can tremble and love and live, and you can recover from OCD.
A Note to the Reader: Any blog post written by me (or anyone, really) should not be substituted for therapy, and I urge all readers dealing with obsessive-compulsive disorder to seek out a skilled ERP therapist. Consult the IOCDF treatment provider database to locate a provider in your area. Remember, OCD is treatable! You have the ability to manage OCD and regain control of your life. If you are a Michigan resident and want to inquire about online therapy for OCD with me, Chelsea, please do not hesitate to reach out! I will be absolutely honored to help you get your life back.
